Dear Phantom Reader,
When a friend recently dug up this picture she took of me the second year I lived in Berlin, my first thought was, OMG, that jacket! I inherited it from my aunt and it was the softest faux suede. I wore that jacket long after the elbows were worn out and it was too small for me because I love, love, loved it.
I also thought, Oh yeah, that’s back when I preferred to wear muddy Earth tones. Rebeccah dear, what’s up with that belt? Why oh why did mom jeans ever come back into fashion? They look terrible on everyone!
In other words, I noticed the clothes before I remembered that nice day we spent together all those years ago in Potsdam.
I’ve loved clothes (and shoes!) ever since I can remember. When I was growing up in an urban Jesus freak commune in Sacramento, my meals paid for by food stamps, I was still dressed in pretty princess silk and lace numbers from Saks Fifth Avenue because my clothes horse, nouveau riche, super conservative, alcoholic grandmother loved dressing “the girls”, i.e. me and my sister (have I ever mentioned I had the strangest childhood?)
Grandmama was also definitely a label whore, making sure I was decked out in Gunne Sax, Esprit and Guess which caused lots of jealousy in junior high. I don’t think I would have cared if she’d bought clothes I liked that were no-name brands, but then again I’m probably taking things for granted. If I hadn’t had the trendy clothes she bought me, maybe I would have been lusting after them like everyone else was.
As for my adult life, about 80% of all the clothes I’ve ever bought has been from thrift stores. This is partly because I’ve never had much money–and when I did, I wanted to spend it on things like travel or books, not clothes–and partly for ethical reasons.
My budget has always been in the realm of fast fashion when it comes to clothes, but I just don’t want to support these businesses because of the working conditions and because their clothes is cheap and designed to fall apart once the season is over.
If I can get something at a thrift store that is way better quality for only five bucks, therefore saving the piece from a landfill, why wouldn’t I?
Besides, as any passionate thrifter knows, it’s all about the thrill of the hunt.
Whenever a major change has crept up into my life, the first thing that happens is my clothing style changes, sometimes ever so slightly, sometimes in a mad rush. Goth light, hippie chick, generic 90s college student, bombshell, sporty honorary lesbian, vintage girl and Trachten princess, each of this has been my look at various times in my life.
How much of your life is spent in clothes? 85%, 90% maybe? This cloth you wear against your skin expresses who you are to the outside world.
Celebrate it.
I honestly believe every woman should believe she’s the most beautiful woman in the world. I don’t mean an envy driven, Snow White’s stepmother nasty competition belief in beauty, I mean cultivating your own unique look, owning it and loving it.
This is who you are and you’re one of a kind (and yes, I am aware this sounds like a cheesy ad campaign).
If anything, women should learn to err on the side of over confidence rather than the ubiquitous self doubt that plagues our gender.
This is how I try to live.
But when I look at this recent picture my first thought is my boobs are way too big, I’m at least 30 pounds overweight, I look older than I am in my head. And are those middle-aged jowls? Egads!
So much for confidence.
But luckily, I have my love for clothes. I feel its texture and take in its colors and recall the history of so many pieces: where I wore them, when I wore them, why I wore them, with the passion of a well-remembered love affair that never lost its champagne bubble brilliance.
See. Writing that I feel better already.
XOXO
Rebeccah
(Dress bought on an unexpected/wonderful stopover in Amsterdam when I was on my way to visit family in Cali, boots thrifted at Goodwill flagship store on South Van Ness in San Francisco that has sadly since been torn down for another high-rise with million dollar condos for techbros, tights long gone, but boy do I love that color.)
(Sweater thrifted here in Berlin for one euro, with cool 70s tag inside, necklace handmade silk from a project in Vietnam, bought at the World Cultures Christmas market at the Museum for Ethnology which I went to with a dear friend of mine).
(Sweater thrifted at 15, probably in Hayward, California. This is the picture I sent to my penpal in Kansas that inspired him to send a letter saying that he was in love with my mind, lol. Must show this pic to my daughters as it will prove scrunchies are not a new invention like they insist they are. ;) )